The Way of the Wall Street Warrior Conquer the Corporate Game Using Tips, Tricks, and Smartcuts

The Wall Street Way is an insiders irreverent, acerbic guide on how to use gamesmanship to get hired, get ahead, and survive on Wall Street, on Main Street, any other highly competitive environment. The tactics described for getting in the door and rising to the top of the food chain apply whether you spend 18 hours a day in a dog-eat-dog office sitting two steps from your nearest colleague, or if youre working from home because of the pandemic. Either way the secret sauce described in these pages ranges from interview tips, to fitting in, to covering (and glorifying) your behind. For once, a Wall Street veteran tells it like it is:

? In a new business meeting, whether on Zoom or in person, reading the room is more important than reading the prospectus.
? The Why and What doesnt matter?only the How. The rest is crap you can learn at Harvard Business School.
? Succeeding is all about doing the least amount of work for the most pay.
? Be the smartest dumb person in the room by making them think you arent. Be the porch dog who sits idly by while everyone else burns themselves out running the rat race.

The strategies come from the authors personal experiences during the 25 years he worked on Wall Street, arguably one of the most grueling professional work environments in the world, but his tips can lead to financial success in any business. The book will lean heavily on research into cognitive biases and human nature, but will focus almost exclusively on actionable ideas. It will be high on practical, often offbeat, tactics with an emphasis on gamesmanship, and will be accessible to any reader, working at any job, due to its humorous, irreverent, satirical tone.

DAVE LIU is a 30-year veteran from Wall Street and Silicon Valley. He’s raised over $15 billion for hundreds of companies, created multiple start-ups, and had multiple billion dollar exits. He previously worked at investment banks Goldman Sachs and Jefferies, where he rose from the entry level to Managing Director co-running all Digital Media and Internet investment banking activities. He’s an expert in finance, entrepreneurship, venture capital, and playing the corporate game.

He has a MBA from Harvard Business School and two BS degrees from the University of Pennsylvania in economics and engineering.

He can be reached on his website: www.liucrative.com

Acknowledgments

About the Author

 

Introduction: Game On

Unrig Your Mind

Built with Sweat, Backed by Science

Lessons from the Elephant Boy

Beat C-3PO

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Part One

Get in the Game

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Chapter 1

Get Primed for Entry-Level Cattle Calls: Clean Your House

Scrub Those Leprotic Calluses

The TMZ Test

 

Chapter 2

Don’t Fight the Tape: Diligence Your Way to an Interview

Diligence to Death

Be a Troll

 

Chapter 3

Be the Holy Trinity of Deals: Your All-Important First Email

Make Me Give a Damn

Watch the Trapdoors

The Rule of Three

Go Out with a Bang

 

Chapter 4

Failure as Fertilizer: The Power of Persistence

Be Unus

 

Chapter 5

Strut Like a Peacock: Your First Impression Might Be Your Last

Find the Greater Fool

Wear Some Damn Socks

Master Half-Truths

Customize; Don’t Compromise

Know Oliver Stone from Oliver Twist

 

Chapter 6

Ace the Personal Bake-Off: Interviewing as Performance Art

Show Time!

Super Saturday

The Inquisition

 

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Part Two

Play to Win

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Chapter 7

Grownups Ask for Directions: Map the Salt Mine

Map Your Way to Greatness

Swallow the Red Pill

Banking for Dumbos

 

Chapter 8

Your Career Isn’t Just a Job; It’s an Adventure: Stay to Win

Be Water

Who Moved My Caviar?

Slaving and Hazing and Crazing

Always Be Learning (ABL) so You Can Always Be Closing (ABC)

 

Chapter 9

People Are Irrational: Science Your Way Up

Get with the Program

Being a Smart Dummy

 

Chapter 10

Office Politics: Only Friends and Very Good Friends

Start Kissing Babies

Be a Street Dog

To What End?

Have a Shtick

 

Chapter 11

Be a Stork, Not a Pigeon: Bring Value, Not Diversion

Mind Your P’s and Q’s

Too Smart for Your Own Good

Mute That Crap

Welcome to 7-Eleven

 

Chapter 12

Quack Like a Duck: Learn the Lingua Franca

Speak the Lingo

Tap the Same Wavelength

Master the Unspoken

 

Chapter 13

Read the Room, Not the Prospectus: Profile Your Audience

Read Like an Open Book

Use What God Gave You

Check Out That Body

Practice Makes Perfect

 

Chapter 14

Don’t Walk Around Blind Without a Cane: Wake Up!

But I’m an Ostrich

Find Buried Treasure

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

My Boss, the Bat

 

Chapter 15

Turn Liabilities into Assets: Harness Your Superpower

Houston, Do We Really Have a Problem?

Appearances Are Deceiving

Unleash Your Superhero

Word to My Peeps

 

Chapter 16

Laziness as a Virtue: Maximize Your ROTI

Smartcutter Extraordinaire

 

Chapter 17

The Minion-Circle: Find Your Master’s Master

Your Master’s Master

Master the Circle

Find Your Yoda

The Invisible Man Gets Fired

OK, Read the Prospectus

 

Chapter 18

Get the Last Word and Drop the Mic: Recency Bias at Work

Nobel Prize–Winning Shit

Just the Two of Us

Deliver Shit Sandwiches in Person

If It Ain’t Wrote, It Ain’t True

Talk to Yourself

 

Chapter 19

Get Paid Like a Player: Make F*ck-You Money

Herded Like Cattle

Prep Your Negotiation

Win the Zero-Sum Game

So How Much Are You Worth?

Millionaire Paupers

Tap the Whisper Wire

Go Shop Yourself

Lean on Yoda

Let the Games Begin!

Be a Long-Term Short-Timer

On Your Mark, Get Set, GO!

All Money Is Money

My Super-Secret Negotiating Strategy

The Post-Mortem

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Part Three

Winning Time

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Chapter 20

Manage Your Way out of a Paper Bag: Get Others to Do Your Dirty Work

Find Those Ticks

Decoy Your Way into Heaven

Let Them Eat Cake

Eliza Effing Doolittles

It’s a Tragedy . . . of the Commons

You’re Yoda Now

Better Than Sex

Don’t Be a B-Player

Escape from Alcatraz

Guanxi, Baby!

 

Chapter 21

Win the Game of Thrones: Get Promoted in a Dog-Eat-Dog World

Prepare for Battle Royale

Specialize Your Way to Nirvana

Even Rocket Ships Need Janitors

Feed the Money Machine

Keep Your Head on a Swivel

Making My Own Destiny

They Don’t Call It the Art of War for Nothing

 

Chapter 22

Check Yourself at the Door: Career Checklist

 

Chapter 23

Mastering Your Sermon on the Mount: Group Selling

Eye on the Prize

 

Chapter 24

Congrats, You’ve Arrived: Now Get Back to Work!

Becoming a BSD

Perks, Perks, and More Perks

No Rest for the Weary

Trust Is the Coin of the Realm

Selling in a Game of Inches

Amateurs Negotiate Price; Pros Negotiate Terms

A Different Kind of Matrix

Practice, Practice, Practice

Keep That Thinking Cap On

Committed Enough to Be Committed

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Part Four

The Score

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Chapter 25

Make a Deal with the Devil: A Very, Very Short Chapter on Ethics

What Would Christian Bale Do?

The Joneses

Run to Mommy

 

Chapter 26

Parlay Your Way to Success: Social Proof Yourself

Become a Kardashian

Weapon of Mass Destruction

Have You Arrived?

 

Chapter 27

Money Can Buy Happiness: Duh!

Don’t Be a Creep

When Is Enough, Enough?

Pursuing Happiness

 

 

 

 

Chapter 28

Writing Checks Your Body Can’t Cash: Mismanaging Your Life

Resident of Fat City

Spending Time in All the Wrong Places

The Work-Life Tradeoff Sham

Default Yourself

 

Chapter 29

It’s Quitting Time: Exit the Stage

Why We Stay

The Talk

How to Leave

 

Chapter 30

The Afterlife: Now What?

Be a Hero

 

Conclusion

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Glossary

Index