You Can Lead a Politician to Water, but You Can't Make Him Think : Ten Commandments for Texas Politics

by
Format: Hardcover
Pub. Date: 2007-10-02
Publisher(s): Simon & Schuster
List Price: $22.00

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Summary

'Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get,' writes Kinky Friedman. When the longtime songwriter, performer and author announced his candidacy for the Texas statehouse in 2005, few took him seriously. But to the shock of many pros, he got the required 45,000 valid signatures to get on the ballot, attracted campaign workers from all over America and an iconoclastic bid - intent on winning - was underway. and in Texas, where Kinky ended up as one of four finalists on the ballot in November 2006, he had a legitimate chance for victory. How Kinky ran, how he foiled the "experts," how he brought a sense of joy back to the hustings, is the story of this typically outrageous and idiosyncratic memoir. More than that though, it is a blueprint for how to do combat for political office while retaining your good name.

Table of Contents

A Prefacep. 1
An Introduction: Old Testaments and New Revelationsp. 5
Oaf of Officep. 5
See Kinky Runp. 9
Dome Improvementp. 13
remember the Alamo and Keep it Holyp. 19
The Alamo of the Heartp. 19
A Band of Gypsies on a Pirate Shipp. 22
Blessed Is the Match That Kindles the Flamep. 26
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Mudflaps, or, The Long-term Effects of Apathy upon the Yellow Rose of Texasp. 31
Never Say Fuck in Front of a C-H-I-L-Dp. 39
No Teacher Left Behindp. 39
Suggestions to improve the education system in Texasp. 41
Increase teacher salariesp. 41
The Trust for Texas Heroesp. 41
Transfer sports fundingp. 42
Get rid of "teaching to the test"p. 42
The Texas Peace Corpsp. 44
How Do We Pay for All of This?p. 45
Thou Shalt Fight Wussificationp. 47
WWWRDp. 41
Guinnessgate, 2006p. 51
God Bless Oscar Wildep. 55
Thou Shalt Throw the Money Changers Out of the Temple, or, I Can Answer That for You, but I Can't Understand It for Youp. 57
Suggestions for political reform in Texasp. 59
Same day voter registrationp. 59
Mandatory votingp. 60
Fair ballot accessp. 60
Initiative and Referendump. 61
Fair and open debatesp. 61
Publicly funded campaignsp. 64
Lobbying reformp. 64
Redistricting reformp. 65
Thou Shalt Not Bullshit, or, Sacred Teachings of the Butt-Sniffing Clanp. 67
K. I. S. S.P.p. 70
Suggestions for dealing with
Illegal immigrationp. 70
Crimep. 72
Government spending/taxesp. 72
Perry's business taxp. 73
Thou Shalt Not Killp. 75
Max Soffarp. 75
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboyp. 80
My Pet Projectp. 82
Thou Shalt Not Eat a Chicken-Fried Steak Bigger Than Your Head, or, Common Sensep. 89
What Has Six Balls and Screws Texans?p. 90
The Santa Anna Highwayp. 92
The Five Mexican Generals Planp. 95
Fuck 'em if They Can't Take a Jokep. 99
Criticize Me All You Wantp. 102
The Only Two Good Balls I Ever Hitp. 103
Booze in the Blenderp. 107
On the Road Againp. 110
Ask Not if You're Proud of Texas: Ask if You've Made Texas Proud of Youp. 113
The Good Shepherdp. 115
Young Voicesp. 117
I Have a Dreamp. 118
Bird in the Handp. 121
A Truth-Seeking Missile: A Tribute to Molly Ivinsp. 123
Acknowledgmentsp. 129
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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